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Elephantile Anger
Exhausted Delusion
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Ironic?...oh Moronic
Look At Your Hand
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NoNseNse
02/16/2005
Spanking And Bungee Harnessess...Need I Say More?
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: closer---nine inch nails
it has been too long
but i continue to type.

my week has been quite...
eventful.
i had food poisoning Monday
and Tuesday
i vomited numerous times
i was the bloody exorcist.
i have also been...
how should i put this...
plagued?
close enough,
plagued by numerous dreams of a
kinky
erotic
nature.

one i had this weekend,
incorporated a dozen of different people,
bungee cords,
harnesses,
and cliff jumping in my bedroom.

the most recent dream,
last night's
involved a popped party balloon
and lots of spanking.
it never
truly
occurred to me that spanking was so
thrilling.

but i must say,
i prefer to be spanked,
than to be the one doing th spanking.

i will revise this entry on a later date

Posted by freudianslipme at 10:45 PM CST
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12/08/2004
What's This Then?
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Bungalow Bill---The Beatles
Topic: WTF Mate?
i feel ill
very bad indeed

i am not a coward
nor ever will.

cowards are
snakes and
evil
clawed birds.

they are among us.
feeding on us,
breathing our air.

are you a coward?
i need to get more sleep/


Posted by freudianslipme at 1:52 AM CST
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12/03/2004
Donqui and Wiener Boy
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: The Lemon Song---Led Zeppelin
Topic: Ironic?...oh Moronic
---------------------------------------------------------

today was
odd-o-rony.

i played a dork who gets
jumped over
by some jock who is sprinting to the
supply room.
i thought it was funny though
and i think i did a really
good
job at acting
babdly.
(the movie was intended to be cheesey).

plus my affection was one of the
directors
of the film.
he smiled at me the
whole time.

---------------------------------------------------------

idad has
returned with
a
vengence.

she's pissed and she's
HORNY.

that's right i said
HORNY.

---------------------------------------------------------

i'm very confused about this
boy,
my donqui,
is the name i give
this particular toy.

he has these moments were
there is this almost uncomfortable
connection
between us, that get me all
fluttery in my stomache,
and confuze and dizzy me.
because he acts like a little
wiener
sometimes.

but for some unknown,
primitive reason,
donqui can't help
but
open up to me.

but sometimes he can just
wiener himself up,
and bring down my mood.

for example:
in art today,
while i was out of the room,
wiener boy,
got black paint
all over my project.
since i don't like
wieners
to knoe i might have even the
slightest
bit of emotional investment in them,
i passively-agressively guilted him,
by being completely stoic,
which can come off as secretly fridgid,
to any of his qeustions.

but of caurse wiener boy, being his
wiener, donqui self,
melted my
fridige stoic bitch shut out,
by telling me a humorus
fact
about what a
pussy he is.
that he gets freaked while watching scary movies
and sometimes fears that
monsters will come from his hallway if his
bedroom doors aren't closed,
or from
under his bed
while he sleeps.
he also told me about a prank pulled on him
while sleeping over at someone's house.
two of his
friends made a
freaky breathing noise with an ballon,
and convinced him that
someone might be in the closet.
he was so scared that he j
umped onto one of his friends beds
(he was sleeping on the floor
because boys
don't
sleep in the same bed
together)
and he refused to move
until the
thing
in the closet was gone.

i always have a soft spot in my heart for
funny,
cowardly,
wieners.

---------------------------------------------------------

Posted by freudianslipme at 12:15 AM CST
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11/17/2004
Driver's Ed Equals New Tail
Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: Rocky Racoon---The Beatles
Topic: Stupid Like A Fox
---------------------------------------------------------

tell me (my ear
in)ever so(quiet)ly slow
ly. what (did th)at hand
(awed, pain hurt y)ours of lost heart.

shit face(d one gone shot bullete)d eyes,
mouth(lip kiss)es. danced(spinned circles)round(, miniscule)
in(significant not slightly)

---------------------------------------------------------

whisper tender words for
lorning thoughts,
lusting thoughts of lust for flesh.

smooth are lovers, enthrawled in
another's infatuation,
instant gratification?, no:

each other's passion.

a lover's uncontrollable caress
grazing thigh and
undisturbed tulips.

i yearn for your lips
round, and nectar in color,
ever so forbidden,
i to lay in your bed.

feel divinely lingered pressure,
wieght of want, desire.

---------------------------------------------------------

Posted by freudianslipme at 12:01 AM CST
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11/15/2004
Da, me not know. Me have to go to bank now.
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Pink Moon--Nick Drake
Topic: Look At Your Hand
---------------------------------------------------------

have you ever had a moment,
a moment in lapse of
intellignce, or
reality?
that kind of
irrational,
unexplainable,
i must be on crack because that did not happen
moment?

(awkward shuffling and uncomfortable coughing from crowd)

oh,
ok, thats cool.

---------------------------------------------------------

i really hate it when my sister makes a tiny,
intsignificant,
comment that she doesn't realized
gets me down.

sisblings can really bite.

---------------------------------------------------------

my mother and i got
lost
on our way to my granparents
60th
wedding aniversary.

we ended up being
30 minutes late,
for a party that
we
were hosting.

we just
completely
past the place
while driving.
mother says it was a
subconcious
want not to go to the party and
get as fucking far away
as possible.

there were more details.
there were more laughs.
but i am saving those oh so
juicy details
for a funny screenplay,
idealy,
that is.

---------------------------------------------------------

i am going to sleep now,
i haven't gone to bed until
4:30 am
for the past
3 days.
my pupils are begining to dialate
uncontrollably and cause me
much
pain.

---------------------------------------------------------

out of sight
out of my mind!

---------------------------------------------------------

Posted by freudianslipme at 12:01 AM CST
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11/05/2004
Soy Un Perdedor
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: Golden Slumbers---The Beatles
Topic: Look At Your Hand
___________________________________________________________________

I felt like such a
doofus
during art,
i read a
little
article on Van
Gogh
and i looked
at the
pictures
of his
paintings,
and felt so
moved.

seeing the pictures
of the paintings
i have only
glimsped
at in
real
life
in museums,
envoked a rath of
emotion.

damn that Van
Gogh
and his use of
bold and
brilliant
color, and his
unique
usage of lines. i
almost
went emo
right
there in the
classroom.

it is
embarassing
to have emotions
from a painting,
in high school.
my class would have thought me a
sod
or some type of
freak or
homosexual.

yes, because here,
outing homosexuals
is like the
salem witch
trials.
they burn you at the
stake.

i still feel really
doofusy
for getting all
emo
in my head and
almost
in class.

___________________________________________________________________

people don't take too
kindly
to people with any
thought
or any source of
free will.
it scares them.
___________________________________________________________________

Posted by freudianslipme at 12:01 AM CST
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10/28/2004
Mohawk Barbie And Bondage Slave Switchblade Jack: Sold Separately
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Steak For Chicken---Moldy Peaches
Topic: Look At Your Hand
---------------------------------------------------------

I am so...
so...
so...
i don't
know
what i am
so

but

I do
know that

Halloween is Sunday,
and I have
not
had
ANY
time to prepare!

it's like
school doesn't want
ME
to have a
Fun
Halloween!

---------------------------------------------------------

Steak for chicken
A: Mardi Gras came and went, all my money has been spent
K: Mardi Gras came and went, all my money has been spent
A: how am i gonna pay the rent sitting on your face
K: how am I gonna pay the rent sitting on my ass
Who mistook the steak for chicken, who'm I gonna stick my dick in
We're not those kids sitting on the couch
A: in my former life I was a high roller
K: in my former life I had a sister
A: walked my kids in a diamond stroller
K: I abused her and I dissed her
A: found my calling as a part time bowler
K: she got swept up in a twister
A: traded my wife in for a new 3 holer
K: first I laffed and then I missed her
Who mistook these baths for showers, who fucked up that leaning tower
We're not those kids sitting on the couch
A: oh get on a greyhound and ride away
K: oh get on a greyhound and ride away
A: live on birthday cake each day
K: different dreams than yesterday
A: tell your grandparents that they're gay
K: tell your grandma you're okay
A: steal their money and run away
K: kiss her cheek and run away
A: me and my friends are so smart
K: me and my friends are so smart
A: we invented this new kind of art
K: we invented this new kind of darts
A: postmodernist throwing darts
K: hit a bullseye cut a fart
A: smoking crack and cutting crack
K: smoking crack and cutting crack
A: who mistook this crap for genius
K: who is dancing on the ceiling
A: who is gonna stroke my penis
K: who is gonna hurt my feelings
We're not those kids sitting on the couch
A: oh, people are shiny like a brand new book
K: even your mother is a crook
A: but if you get a closer look
K: but if i get a closer look
A: there's shit on every hand you shook
K: there's shit on every road you took
A: if you don't believe me look at your hand
K: if you don't believe me read the book
A: who made all these things for killing
K: somebody's making a killing
A: whose pussyhole needs filling
K: whose empty heart needs filling
We're not those kids sitting on the couch
Who mistook the steak for chicken
Who'm I gonna stick my dick in
We're not those kids sitting on the couch

---------------------------------------------------------

I really feel
like shit.

actually,
I think that even
shit,
cannot comprehend
just how
I feel.

---------------------------------------------------------

I feel the need
to purge
myself of
some type of
sin.

I'm not sure
why I feel it
may be
a sin,
I just feel
dirty
or
it may just be
I'm shit.

but still,
I have the urge to...
to do...
to...
to do something,
something stupid.
or maybe something
worthwhile.

i've been having...
difficulty
with telling the
difference of
stupid and
worthwhile.

I'm beginning to become
suspicious
that there is
NO difference,
the Posters just
enforce the belief that
there is
in order to keep
the People in their
dog collars.

but I'm
NOT
paranoid.

---------------------------------------------------------

I feel so
pointless.
I don't do
anything
worth while,
anything.

what the hell am
I
to
do?

count the seconds
I spend
hoping for
death?

not fun.

---------------------------------------------------------

I'm not liking
people
too much
these days.

some,
few,
people are
okay
but the
majority
really suck.

I think we
need
more , arsonists,
ones who like to set
stupid fucks
on fire.

that would
soo
make things more
enjoyable,
and
fire-oriented,
which,
would make things
cool.

I'm sick people.
they are
all,
basically all,
Apes!

---------------------------------------------------------

DAMN

DIRTY

APES!

---------------------------------------------------------

they
SHOULD
let you
customize your
own
moods.

or at the
LEAST,
add
NEW
moods.

Like:
---Stupid---
---Exams Week---
---Neurotic---
---Plastic---
---Dopey---
---I Want To Die---
---Hallucinating---
---Pathetic---
and
---Menopausal---

I mean,
seriously,
think of
the children.

---------------------------------------------------------

Posted by freudianslipme at 12:01 AM CDT
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10/21/2004
I Loose My Head All The Time
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Exhausted Delusion
---------------------------------------------------------

ever since the school year started,
i've been hoping for some
psycho
to come and torch
the fucking building
down.

as long as all my school books
and work
would be consumed in the fire,
i can't find a fault in the dream.

can't I
have My
dream
come true?

I stay up until midnight
or Later
on almost every schoolnight,
FROM WORK!

it's crazy.
it's ridiculous!
it's cradiczuly I say!
it's mad!

---------------------------------------------------------

Posted by freudianslipme at 12:01 AM CDT
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10/20/2004
I'm Sweetened In The Middle
Mood:  hug me
Topic: Exhausted Delusion
---------------------------------------------------------

it's amazing what vivid
and complex dreams you can have,
in only 30 minutes
of sleep.

I just woke up
in a cold sweat,
my legs twisted
in my covers,
my duvet laying in the corner
of my room (probably thrown
during the dream).
i have to write down this dream,
i will forget it by morning.

---------------------------------------------------------

THE DREAM:

i'm sitting in a window seat
large enough to sit
ten people
uncomforatably,
i was sitting in the sindow seat
with eleven people (not including me).

the only person who was definable
out of my fellow windowers,
was Plato.

plato and i were sitting across
from eachother,
my right hand to the almost blinding light of the window,
Plato's left to the blinding light of the window.

we were talking
like we we always talk
(in my dreams, Plato is my best philosopher),
but as we began to scut the topic of
the uncomfortable light
that was burning our face's side,
Plato asked for my apple,
(i was holding an apple in my sleeve),
i was reluctant to part with the apple,
but i gave it to plato because
i trust him with something as
simple as an apple.

but when i gave the apple to Pato,
he simply rubbed the apple against his shirt,
polished it,
then took a large,
crunching bite out of the apple.

I freaked out in response
to Plato's act.

i could only think,
as i watched him
slowly devour the apple:
"Why? Why eat my soul?
I gave it to you
because i thought you wished to see it,
not gorge yourself on it!"

then the horror subsides,
and i am overcome be the need
to eat someone's fruit,
a kiwii,
a lime,
i even craved for
cantalope.
i needed to satisfy something,
anything.

just seeing someone so
pleased with my apple,
made me crave
for someone else's.

i then began to feel the
pain of the apple missing
from my sleeve,
the absence of it's smooth,
and cool
peel,
through the thin, worn
white cotton of my shirt sleeve.

Plato is my missing half
of my missing half.
when i realized that,
while he was eating
my apple,
i was afraid that
he would,
some how,
consume himself.

i wept before him,
not bowing my head,
or looking away from
his welcomingly daunting eyes.
he continued to eat the apple.
the tears only dripped down
half-way on my right cheek
because the windows
blinding bright light
dried them before
they reached my jaw.
he continued to eat.

Plato looked at my tears,
he didn't see them.
he finished the apple.
he looked at my eyes,
he saw behind them.

with his right hand,
he absently
wiped a tear from beneath
my left eye,
he said "don't cry"
and ripped out both of my eyes.

then i woke up,
as i described before.

---------------------------------------------------------

what did the dream mean?

let me know what you think it means.
let me know if anyone actually reads my entries,
besides j-dog and indy.

---------------------------------------------------------

Posted by freudianslipme at 12:01 AM CDT
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10/19/2004
I Am So Tired Right Now, That I Am Beginning to Hallucinate That The Walls Are Dancing
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Exhausted Delusion
---------------------------------------------------------

Fuck School.
I'm losing sleep.
i think i might die.

Fuck School.
school won't let me sleep.
school doesn't want me to sleep.

---------------------------------------------------------

Posted by freudianslipme at 12:01 AM CDT
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10/17/2004
You Are A Hippo....crit
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: There Is Always Someone Cooler Than You--Ben Folds
Topic: Ironic?...oh Moronic
---------------------------------------------------------

if you sign a binding agreement,
or a CONTRACT,
you are expected to follow the
particular rules and regulations set by
said binding agreement,
or CONTRACT.

if you sign S.T.A.N.D.'s
'no alcohl or substance use'
CONTRACT,
you pledge to not to
use substances and/or
DRINK ALCOHL.


it's pretty hypocritical to sign S.T.A.N.D.'s
CONTRACT
and get shit-faced,
within the same week (7 days).

so if you did sign the S.T.A.N.D.
CONTRACT
and did get shit-faced
by drinking ALCOHL,
it would make you a hypocrit.

or actually it would make you a HIPPO.
a big, morbidly obese,
CONTRACT breaking,
HIPPO.

in addition to being a
disgusting, pathetic HIPPO,
wouldn't that also make you a
LIAR?

---------------------------------------------------------

Posted by freudianslipme at 12:01 AM CDT
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I Need To Set Something On Fire I Need To Set Something On FireI
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: If Ya Think I'm Sexy-----Rod Stewart
Topic: Elephantile Anger
---------------------------------------------------------

I despise homework.
I loathe school.

school and homework were created
to break my spirit
and eat my soul.

why will no one save me?

fuck bush and his
"no child left behind" bullshit.
leave me behind,
I will be just fine!

people are such blundering corks!

die school!
die homework!
die stupid whores!

---------------------------------------------------------

Posted by freudianslipme at 12:01 AM CDT
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